The Plan – Continued

It’s been a crazy week with school and planning and assignments, but I knew I wanted to come and give you more information on how I was able to get out, and it was not easy. Still, to this day when I consider how close I came to being found out, I shudder. 

I had to co-ordinate everything with my family, my co-workers, my lawyer, and the police department.  

And I had such a short amount of time to make it all happen.  

Some of it is fuzzy now, but I recall having to drop my kids off at my work, drop off a car seat to him (I cannot for the life of me remember why now, but I think he planned on picking them up, and we had 3 car seats at the time, leaving me with only one to flee), go purchase another car seat, and get back to the office to pick them up. 

I had just got them in their car seats and driven out of town (and I mean, I had barely passed the next wee town but was seconds from a police station) when he started calling me.  

And message me.  

And having our then daycare provider to also call.  

I just kept driving. I was so heightened from the fear. I was terrified. 

You would think I would have gotten used to being scared all the time. Like, in those moments when I would fall asleep with my girl from sheer exhaustion and find him standing over me with anger all over his face, arms crossed, ready to scream at me and tell me how absolutely useless I was.  

How I was so lazy and could do nothing right.  

Especially as their mom.  

I was useless, incompetent, unworthy, and unlovable. Which reminds me of the time he came home and said, “I saw something today that I knew you would love,” followed by, “I was going to get it, but then remembered that you don’t deserve anything good.” 

That was another moment that just stuck out in my mind.  

It made my heart sink. I felt defeated and deflated.  

And I believed him. 

Anyway, the police chief at the time asked me to call him when I reached my destination safely, so I did. When I arrived at my undisclosed location, I made that call with a huge sigh of relief, when the chief informed me that someone had called Interval House posing as a police officer asking if I was there. They knew who had made the call but could not confirm it nor prove it. 

By this time, I had hired my lawyer, found a house to move to. 

I was allowed to have a few days off from work while I was in hiding until I was able to secure a court date, which was a few days after I left.  

I was on auto pilot for the longest time (actually, I think I have been this way for some time) while I attempted to navigate everything on my own. And I had never lived on my own before.  

That’s right...I was pushing 40-years-old, and I had never lived on my own. The whole experience from start to finish was stressful, unnerving, and scary. 

And I would not change it. 

Freedom has so many advantages.  

Worries, yes. Fear for sure.  

I still would not change leaving...except maybe making sure he never had the chance to abuse them, too. 

I have so much more to come.  

I have so much more to share. 

My journey was just getting started. 

This time in our lives would become a distant memory. 

I cannot wait to hang out with you again soon. 

Until next time, 

J.